Geeks In Love
by Novelist Pup
Summary: For Yullen Week. AU: The first time Allen Walker was cursed to meet social retard Yuu Kanda was on a Game Night Out held by mutual frienemy, Lavi. Sometimes, he suspects he might regret it.
1. Night Out

**Geeks in Love**

Just because I don't have my laptop that had the actual Yullen Week files doesn't mean that I can't try again with a crackastic idea that will more than likely get me sent to Hell. :D It's mainly based off the Game theme, but with the other themes scattered about in different chapters.

For kimichan-chan, for actually convincing me to go through this again even though I don't like the pairing _that much. _I _told_ you I would do it. People need moar faith in me, I swear.

**Disclaimed.**

* * *

The first time Allen Walker was cursed to meet social retard Yuu Kanda was on a Game Night Out held by mutual frienemy, Lavi.

"He's _totally_ cool," Lavi had insisted in the arcade, winking with the only eye he had. "A total D and D _master_. You should check out his character sheet—you'll go ga-ga over the guy."

"Really?" was Allen's reply with a smile as he navigated Ms. Pac-Man through the fifteenth level with ease. "Ga-ga?"

Ga-ga…was _not_ exactly what someone could define his feeling as.

Well, he could define it himself. Maybe he should call the anger coursing through his veins something catchy but at the same time not _completely_ geeky.

"I use _English Christian Rage_," he said tersely, picking back up his dice. "It kills everything in its path, including Muslims and Jackarses."

Yuu Kanda was not impressed. "That's against the rules, asswipe," he replied, arms crossed as though he wanted to show off his muscles. Allen was also a hater, because it was _not_ fair that a social recluse like this arsehole was able to have the body of a frequent gym visitor, while he was stuck with this skinny, pale physique. God, people could _tell_ he played role-playing games just by looking at him—that was kind of _insulting_. "The English don't get to use any rage. Besides, you didn't say your character was British in the beginning anyway, so it's still null and void, fuckface."

"Since when did I have to give out my bloody _ethnicity_ for my Level Twenty Monk?" Allen demanded, his eyebrow ticking over his right eye. _Ga-ga_, Lavi said—_bullshite_. "I thought I was entitled to at least that much!"

"Well," Kanda sniffed, shrugging. "You _aren't_. Hey, you with the glasses, it's your turn."

"I do hope you aren't ignoring me," the British teenager said, cocking an eyebrow.

Kanda glanced at him. "What'd you say?" he replied in a loud tone. "I couldn't hear you because I was ignoring you. Dude, I _said_ it's your fucking turn—use it."

Johnny Gill hummed, shaking the dice in his hand. "I don't _know_," he began timidly, smiling at Allen. "I believe Allen should get another turn—since his attack was made null and void and all."

"Oh, goddamn _it_." The Japanese man sighed as though terribly pained, rolling his eyes. He turned around in his seat, face grimacing as he caught sight of Lavi. "You didn't _tell_ me I'd be playing with a bunch of martyr _dorks_."

"Anyone who plays this game might be considered a _dork_," Allen said with a smile. "I daresay you are also included, _Level Forty-Five Warrior_. Now, come on, I've just attacked you again. Subtract your points, would you?"

Lavi snickered, covering it up with a helpless smile and a small shrug. "I told you he was polite," he said to Kanda, who couldn't take his murderous intent glare off of the younger teenager. "I don't know what's wrong with him right now."

"I have an allergic reaction to hypocritical arseholes," Allen explained. "It causes me to go through bouts of schizophrenia, and sometimes Tourette's. Bloody_ 'ell_!"

Kanda did not look like he believed his totally logical explanation, which made the white-haired boy smile harder. "Is there something on my face, prick?" he asked.

"You _really_ don't want me to answer that," Kanda replied, clicking his tongue in disdain as he scribbled some point information on his character sheet. "So, _now_ it's your turn, Four-Eyes."

Allen wanted to _throw_ something at the jerk. Kanda—who must've been nineteen and in college, if Lavi was telling the truth when he said the prick was the same age as the redhead—reminded him of bullies in his high school. The ones that stuff you in lockers and throw paper balls at the back of your head when they want the answers to a ridiculously easy test.

(He touched the back of his hair sadly—he can _still_ feel the wrinkled college-ruled sheets at the most inopportune times.)

"Jackarse," he muttered underneath his breath, eyes fixed on his figurine on the exceedingly large game board.

A hand ruffled his hair (of which needed a desperate cut, particularly the bangs), and he looked up with gray eyes. "Whaddid I say, eh?" Lavi grinned, showing off his perfect teeth. "_Ga-ga_."

"Err, _right_." _Mutual frienemy, mutual frienemy._ The single reason why he has not pelted the pretty-boy prick with his dice. "Just, uh, just don't invite me next time he's here."

"Aww, word? Man, I thought you guys were so fucking compatible. I mean, you were, like," the redhead coughed lowly in his throat. "_Flirting_."

Allen paused, actually _feeling_ the mortification on his face. "_No_," he deadpanned. "Just, eww, _no_! What _drugs_ are _you_ bloody tracking—"

"Hey, shut the fuck up," Kanda snapped, scowling. "We're trying to play this goddamn game, and you're just yapping like a little dog. Jesus _Christ_, man."

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell me to _shut up_," Allen retorted, huffing. "Besides, I have a valid right to 'yap like a little dog' and you aren't the boss of me anyway."

"I hate repeating myself," Kanda grumbled, raking his hand through his abnormally silky hair. "Can you just _shut up_—_ouch_!" He rubbed his forehead, where a diamond-shaped die was perfectly aimed. "What the fuck was _that_ for?"

"What was that?" Allen asked, holding a wrinkled red hand to his ear, smirking. "I couldn't hear you over the fact that you're a complete _arsehole_." He tossed another die at the man, snickering.

"I'll…I'll fucking _maim_ you!" The nineteen-year-old stood up from his seat, slamming his hands on the board. Like a little earthquake, all the figurines bounced around before toppling over, and Allen frowned.

"You just knocked over my bloody _Monk_!" he insisted, reaching over to pick up the little statue. "Way to be a jerk, _jerk_."

"I'll knock over more than just your _Monk_," Kanda hissed, and Lavi was quick to tap him on the shoulder. "What the fuck do you want, One-Eyed Willy?"

"Look, this is our night out as friends," Lavi replied with a grin. "Let's not mess it up because my legally illegal friend won't bend over for you on the first date."

Kanda closed his mouth and opened it again, gaping. "Excuse me?" he demanded, dark eyes wide. "I—you—_bean sprout_—what?" His words were caught in his throat, and he couldn't even move. Allen really could not blame him—he probably would not have done any differently if he weren't so concentrated on making sure his precious _Monk_ was not damaged. It cost thirty dollars—that's quite a bit of his allowance, right there.

"I mean, look at the kid," Lavi continued, sighing. "At _least_ buy him dinner. Then you might be able to cop a feel—ack!" He tugged at the hands around his neck. "Dude, you're, like, _choking_ me!"

"I'm doing something _right_ with my life, then," Kanda replied from clenched teeth, trying to choke the one-eyed man tighter. "Why the fuck would you even _say_ something like that? I mean, _eww_—"

"Right," Allen said. "Because someone would want to have sex with you as well." He placed his _Monk_ back on the board. "I'm being sarcastic, by the way. It feels like your personality is like a force field that prevents anyone would harboring sexual feelings for you and your psychotic ways."

Kanda loosened his grip on Lavi's neck, scowling. "Like, a _Star Wars_ force field?" he asked suspiciously.

"What? Oh, _no_!" Allen frowned, shaking his head. "More like the _Green Lantern_, in that you have the ability to be attractive if you weren't a complete _arse_."

"Just making sure," Kanda replied, sniffing. "I fucking hate _Star Wars_."

* * *

Surprisingly enough, I really do enjoy the thought of master-RPG-geek/high-school-bully-magnet!Allen and college-student/socially-stunted!Kanda and their board RPG adventures. (I am secretly a total nerd, btw. I love this kind of shit—especially RPGs. God, _RPG_s.)

This took me about an hour and some minutes to write. :D At that rate, I should be able to finish before the week is over—and, if not, well, I'll still finish it anyway. :D

(Seriously, though. KanAre? Not my thing. D: If there's gonna be another Yullen Week, call me when you're sober. Or when you want Poker Pair, it's all good in my 'hood either way.)


	2. Games

**Geeks in Love**

D'aww, thanks, fo' real! :D I've got to be the weirdest person in existence to write so many oddball fanfics. D:

Enough of that—next chapter!

* * *

"So, what," Lavi began in his _forever_ offhanded manner of speaking. "Did you give him a blowjob or something?"

Allen froze, his hand motionless over the _Punch_ button for the arcade machine they stood together at. "Excuse me?" he asked slowly, turning his head to look at his older friend. "What are you saying to me _now_?"

"Hey, I'm just asking, here" the one-eyed man replied, holding up one hand as a sign of innocence while using his other hand to repeatedly jab at the _Kick_ button. "I just thought you got down on your knees for him, because—"

"Who the bloody 'ell are you _talking_ about?" Allen demanded. "I mean, I need to know who I'm supposedly giving _blowjobs_ to for unwanted reasons. _Ugh_!"

Lavi hummed lowly in his throat. "You know, Yuu," he said.

"What about me?" Allen sniffed, offended. "This does not help me solve this Scooby-bloody-Doo mystery of," here, he mocked the voice of a white American in the sixties. "_Allen Walker and the Oral Mishap_!"

"I'd…I'd totally watch that," Lavi admitted. "I bet it'd be awesome, like, 'Scooby! We found a clue!' but that dog got his ass outta there since the villain is, like, _right there_—err, yeah. Sorry." The nineteen-year-old smiled bashfully. "But, for serious. I thought you went down on Yuu."

Allen frowned, jerking the joystick almost violently. "First off, that is terrible grammar, Lavi, and I do hope that you never use it around me again." He huffed. "And, what kind of flexible freak do you take me for—"

"Aww shit," Lavi muttered, smacking his forehead as his character's HP fell to zero on the screen. "I forgot his name causes unnecessary shit." He scratched underneath his headband, grinning sheepishly. "Yuu Kanda. I'm asking if you gave _him_ a blowjob."

"Yuu Kanda…? Oh!" Allen snapped his fingers as he remembered the name. "Oh, _no_. Ugh! The jerk? I'd rather stay in high school for four more years." Well, that was a little extreme. "Maybe not that. But, still, something drastic would occur."

"Yeah, he has that kind of effect on people." Lavi said fondly. "That's my BFF, y'know."

"I'd like to know why you accused me of touching his penis with my lips," Allen replied. "I just _can't_ get over that."

"Hmm?" the redhead blinked. "Oh, that's just because he asked if you were coming to the next Game Night, the one in the university's common room."

"…" the high school student did not necessarily understand. "Him asking about my return means that I gave him my oral virginity?" What kind of messed of logic—

Lavi laughed. "God, man, you're so _funny_," he said, grinning. "Naw, my little man—Yuu isn't the kind of guy to actually, uh, _care_ about the rest of the human race. It was a first for me, man—I assumed that you had to've done something insanely special to make him care enough to ask _me_."

"A…_blowjob_?"

"_Insanely_ special."

But still, this was oral sex they were talking about. Allen sniffed, rifling his pockets for another quarter to put into the machine. The jerk wasn't that bad—the two of them held a common contempt for George Lucas and his lovechild, they agreed that Halflings are the stupidest characters in D and D, they despised AOL Instant Messenger, and they both were in a deep kind of like with World of Warcraft.

It's _hard_ to find a guy who deeply likes WoW as much as Allen does. And he pays _every month_.

Yet, regardless of the prick's somewhat okay-except-not-really personality, he was still a guy and a guy whom Allen would not touch with a ten-foot pole if mandatory.

"So, are you coming?" Lavi asked.

"Huh? Oh, right, sure." Allen replied.

"_Hadoken!_" Ryo agreed, and Ken fell over for the umpteenth time that day.

----

"What is this, fucking _Monopoly_?" Kanda demanded, arms crossed as he sneered at the board game. Allen grumbled under his breath as he tried to make himself more comfortable in the loveseat he shared with the older man. "I came here to play D and D—not get bankrupt because Cyclops over there is the worst banker ever."

"Dude." Lavi sipped at his soda, sniffing. "You're just Japanese. Don't hate because Monopoly hates _you_."

Allen frowned. "I brought my Paladin today, though," he said sadly. "I thought we would be playing, well, _not_ Monopoly." He sighed, opening his bag and pulling out a small silver figurine. "Well, regardless, I come prepared for most board games. Especially RPGs—I'm not called a Level Thirty-Two Elf for nothing."

Kanda scowled at him. "Way to be a dork, loser," he said.

"I really wish you would get over those hypocritical moments of yours, Kanda," Allen replied, placing his cowboy on the **Go** square of the board. He really liked cowboys, as gay as that might've sounded. "In fact, I'm sure your favorite little avatar is the dog. You two look alike."

"Shut the fuck up," the Japanese man snapped, snatching up the little silver Scottish terrier. "Nobody _asked_ you to judge me. Fuck I hate you."

To make a disparaging comment or to _not_ make a disparaging comment—that was the question. "I'm sure you'd hate me less if I gave you a _blowjob_, prick," he muttered, brushing loose strands of white hair away from his eyes.

Kanda stared at him, mortified. "What."

"Oh, you heard that? Terribly sorry, I really am." Allen smiled. He wasn't terribly sorry, by the way. "Anyway! I have a test in AP Physics tomorrow—we should really start this game at some point."

"I haven't been in high school for years," Tapp muttered, placing his thimble on the board. "I wonder why I left?"

"Because you fucking _graduated_?" Kanda replied, cocking an eyebrow. "I mean, that or you got expelled. I can see you getting expelled for too much ugly on a school day."

Allen punched his shoulder, huffing. "Did you ever believe that maybe some things you _shouldn't_ say?" he asked, rolling his eyes. "Because I do. Believe that there are some things that _you_ shouldn't say, that is."

"…Shut up." Kanda sniffed. "I just _hate_ Monopoly—it's such a stupid game. I wanted to play _Dungeons_ _and_ _Dragons._"

Lavi smiled goofily, pulling out the dice for the game. "C'mon, man," he replied. "I mean—it's just like D and D. Like, you have little figures, you have to defeat everyone else using magical powers, and you roll dice. What's the difference, I mean really?"

"…" Allen held up a hand, eyebrows furrowed. "When exactly does anyone use magical powers in bloody _Monopoly_?"

"P'shaw!" the redhead snorted. "Everyone _knows_ that Broadway is made of magic, rainbows, and unicorns. Like, _duh_."

Kanda did not look convinced. "I didn't know that," he said. He turned to the boy next to him, cocking an eyebrow. "Hey, did _you_ know this shit?"

"Actually," Allen replied. "I did not know it at all."

"That sounds like a personal problem," said Lavi. "Now, who wants to roll the dice to go first?"

----

"I rolled a six-five!" Allen proclaimed, rubbing his hands in glee. "Now, I move up eleven spaces and cast a level four capture spell on _Vermont Avenue_."

Kanda looked like he wanted to choke him. "I swear to God, you have more property than Donald Trump," he grumbled, picking up the dice and shaking it in his palm. He tossed it on the table, scowling. "Okay, I rolled four." The Japanese man picked up his little silver dog and moved it the appropriate amount, and then he cursed like he'd sailed the seven seas. "What the fuck? I'm in jail _again_!"

Lavi snickered. "Dude, it's like the game can tune in to your mind—like Spock!" He grinned. "Yeah, it's like Monopoly can touch your face and read your mind and shit!"

"'_Live long and prosper_,'" Allen said, holding up his hand in the ubiquitous Spock-manner. "I must say—Nimoy? I would most probably go gay for him and his haircut." Never mind that Leonard Nimoy's haircut as Spock actually reminded the English boy eerily of his third-period teacher, one Mister Howard Link. "Wait, _eww_." Okay, he's over the _going gay_ moment now.

"How do you go gay when you're already there?" Kanda muttered, and he took the punch to his arm like a man. A pretty man, but with manly dignity all the same. "Why do you keep fucking _hitting_ me?"

"For some reason, you make me exceedingly violent and full of rage," Allen explained. "Including the schizophrenia and Tourette's. _Damn you_!"

"Dude, I'm damning _you_—I'm, like, _ten_ dollars away from being bankrupt," the nineteen-year-old snapped. "Because I keep landing on your goddamn property and ending up in goddamn jail. Now, I'm left with ten bucks and an IOU. Fuck, it's like going to college."

Allen paused. "Aren't you, well, _in_ college?" he asked.

"Exactly." Kanda sniffed, crossing his arms. "Who wants to relive _that_ kind of experience, anyway?"

* * *

Why is writing this so enjoyable? D: I don't even know, but I can't stop now! :D

Oh man, I saw the Star Trek movie today (as well as Dance Flick—which was surprisingly okay—and Terminator: Salvation—my ex-governor made a surprise attack!), which I kept putting off because I (as a Star Trek fan, but not a Trekkie per se) was scared it would be terrible like the Dragonball movie I had seen a few months prior. I swear to God I've never seen a better movie this year, even though I feel like I had a few seizures. Sylar makes a great Spock, I swear~

Oh, btw, a correction: I dedicate this to kimi-chanchan, _not_ kimichan-chan. I get confused over small things like dashes and hypens and shit. :D Oops.

Tomorrow's the SAT for me: wish me luck. :D


	3. Prank

**Geeks in Love**

There…there is something terribly wrong with me. :D I keep on writing.

(Had to go a little out of order—I needed the Misunderstandings theme to be the fourth instead of the third. MASTER PLAAAAAN!)

* * *

Kanda wasn't necessarily a geek, per se. Well, at least not to the stereotypical sense—he'll give it that much. He didn't wear glasses, he stayed in shape, his pants always rode low on his hips, and he was currently failing his Creative Writing class.

According to his observations in high school, geeks didn't fail classes. _Especially_ not Creative Writing.

"Wait," he said aloud in his empty dorm room, pausing. "Did I have Creative Writing in high school?"

The answer was no, as the silence told him.

So, the only thing he had going for him with that crew of verifiable _nerds_ was his love for RPGs. Otherwise, he would probably spend his time doing something else with his life.

Like, playing Final Fantasy XII, or doing something just as time-consuming and aggravating.

Speaking of time-consuming and aggravating, his cellular phone beeped next to his thigh, and he picked it up with a scowl.

"_R u comin 2nite?_" read the text message from that godforsaken guy in his Calculus course.

Kanda stared at the message. _Was_ he coming to that gay game meeting shit tonight? Would his life be better if he took the time to put down his PS2 controller and played nerdy games with, well, _nerds_? Did he even really want to _go_?

The answer, once again, was no. Generally, he didn't really _want_ to go. The group that showed up on those nights was usually small, and they weren't as fucking _awesome_ at Dungeons and Dragons as Kanda was. They also spoke like they were begging to get their heads dunked in a toilet bowl and wore their pants too high.

Really, he could spend his time more consumingly and aggravatingly by getting to goddamn Archadia and beating the living shit out of Dr. Cid.

He phone beeped again in his hand, and Kanda really did hate that guy from his Calculus course. How did he even get his _number_? Not even his _dad_ knows his cellphone number! "_Als comin 2_," the text said, and Kanda's mind went on overdrive.

That high school kid—he was, like, an enigma to Kanda. The brat _looked_ like a total dork, stupid glasses and all, and had the glass to wear a Nike shirt with Reebok shoes and Adidas socks. So, generally, he was the guy Kanda could love—to hate, that is.

Except, this guy was way too interesting for his own good. He spoke to Kanda as though he were the smartest goddamn sixteen-year-old in the world, and that the Japanese man himself were a complete idiot. (Look, fuck, Creative Writing was a _hard_ subject—you've _got_ to believe him!) He also had white hair, and one day when Kanda was totally not checking him out as he stretched in his too tight WoW shirt, it seemed that it was all natural.

That's freaky as hell.

But, it's so fucking interesting that Kanda just can't stop thinking about him.

He pressed _Reply_ on his phone. "_Stfu_," he texted back. "_Wat time?_"

----

"I love the way I always end up sitting next to you during these little game nights," Allen said with an irked smile. "No matter what the game is. Or how many people show up."

"I also love the way you never shut the hell up," Kanda replied. For the record? There were only three people this time—Lavi, Kanda, and The Punk That Shall Not Be Named, also known as Allen. "By the way—"

The younger teenager rolled his gray eyes behind the rectangular glasses perched on his nose "Yes, I know. You were attempting to be sarcastic." He snorted in disdain. "I've seen animals in England more sarcastic than you. No offense, of course."

Well, Kanda scowled. Consider the offense _taken_. "Fuck _y_—"

"Come on, now," Lavi cajoled, smirking. "Wait until you get the _rules_ of the game, at least. Then you two can make out all you want—I wouldn't mind. Free show, and it's not even on the Internet!"

Let it be known that Kanda hates Japan for one true reason: It made shit like _Hentai_ possible.

_Jesus Christ he hates Hentai_.

"And catch Gonasyphititus B?" Kanda shook his head with a grimace. "No way, _hombre_." Wait, that was a _good_ term in Spanish. Wasn't it? "I mean—los pene cara de Español. Whatever." Fuck it—he took French in high school.

The redhead laughed off the insult, like usual. "Oh, _Yuu_," he said fondly. Kanda wanted to choke the bitch-ass punk to remind him not to use his goddamn first name! "It'll be a fun game, I swear."

Allen looked suspicious, and reasonably so. "When you swear so," he muttered. "It is never good."

"Hey." Lavi called him out. "_Shush_. Now!" He clapped his hands together and grinned diabolically. "Everyone knows about the Truth or Dare Card Game. If you don't, you're just a popular guy runnin' with the real cool catz, ya dig?"

Kanda wasn't, well, a popular guy, and he was allergic to cats—but he _still_ didn't know about this board game.

"Except for Yuu," Lavi continued. "Because he is just a social retard. I swear, on time I went to his dorm and he looked at me like he'd never seen a real person from the outside before!"

"I fucking _told_ you that you caught me at a bad time!" Kanda snapped.

"How so?" Allen was curious enough to ask, obviously. "I mean, were you, err, _busy_?"

"Hell _yeah_ I was busy!" Kanda crossed his arms with a sniff, and Allen looked borderline disturbed. "Do you know how goddamn _time-consuming_ Final Fantasy games are? _Especially_ the ninth one. Fuck, those are seventy-three hours of my life I will never get back."

"Oh, right, video games." The sixteen-year-old coughed into his fist nervously. "_Right-o_."

Lavi sighed heavily. "Okay, as totally sexy as it is to see you two talking about video gaming and shit—we've got a card game to play!"

"Um." Allen stared at him. "If this is the Truth or Dare Card Game, then I'm going to wonder why I brought my Paladin _again_. I would like to play some bloody D and D at some point, Lavi!"

"Took the words right outta my mouth," Kanda muttered.

"Hey. _Shush_." The one-eyed college student grinned, holding up the deck of cards with a pale hand. "Let's play."

----

It was official: Allen Walker was bad luck for Yuu Kanda.

He never did _this_ badly in any kind of game before the brat showed his nerdy mug!

"Oh, looks like you got Truth," Lavi crowed, grinning. "Again. So, what should I ask you this time, _hmm_?" He smiled harder, and by God he looked like the son of Satan. "Tell us, Yuu—are you a virgin?"

"Yes." Kanda deadpanned. "We've gone over this several times." Seriously, three out of the five times he had gotten Truth; _that_ was the godforsaken question.

"Well, _I_ personally cannot understand why you are still virtuous," Allen commented completely unnecessarily. "After all, you have that beautiful personality and such _masculine_ hair. God, I feel manlier just _looking_ at you."

Dude. "_Dude_," Kanda said. "Totally not cool. I'm not making comments on how _you_ don't even know what a girl looks like without a shirt. Besides," he sniffed, insulted. "It's too much of a hassle. I don't have the time to get laid when I need to beat Final Fantasy Twelve. Fuck I hate that game!" His fists clenched tightly, and he couldn't remove the angry frown on his face. The anguish associated with Vaan and his faggotry pants was too much for him to bear, sometimes.

"I can't believe he just said he didn't have the time to get _laid_," Lavi said incredulously, blinking the one eye he did have. "I mean, we're all guys here—_everyone_ has time to get laid!"

Allen coughed, looking down. "Oh, yeah, I'm just overflowing with time and girls," he grumbled.

"Except. You _aren't_."

"I'd like it if you would shut the bloody hell up, _please_."

Lavi still had that look of disbelief on his face, like he couldn't _believe_ there were people in the world who were still willingly virgins. "Mad insane, man," he whistled, shaking his head with wide eyes. "Just, _crazy_. Okay! It's Al's turn, for real!"

Allen picked up a card from the deck in the middle of the table, and he rolled his eyes. "Oh look," he said blandly. "I have Dare. _Again_."

"This deck is rigged." Kanda concluded.

"I agree wholeheartedly, fellow Star Wars-hater."

"Yeah, okay, _whatever_." Lavi was quick to cut them off, but that was probably because Kanda always suspected him of being a Stars Wars fan, to the point of even buying the _video games_. "Anyway! I've got a kickass dare for my kickass little genius, yes indeed!" He pointed at the white-haired boy. "Deflower Yuu."

Kanda froze, eyes wide. "This better be a fucking prank, man," he started, eyebrows furrowing in steady fury. "Because, if this _kid_ touches me—"

"What will happen if I refuse?" Allen demanded, eyes narrowed.

Lavi smirked. "Well, for _one_—I won't give you the limited edition hologram _Magic: The Gathering_ deck." He faked a frown. "What? You, you _don't_ want the deck? Well, okay—holy shit, I didn't mean it, man!" He looked terrified. "Are you out of your goddamn _mind_, my good man?!"

Kanda was going to kill someone, and someone was going to die—especially as the kid steadily molested his stomach, running his surprisingly soft hands over his hard-earned abdomen muscles.

"I'm going it for the limited edition hologram _Magic: The Gathering_ deck," Allen insisted with a pained expression. "Please don't kill me. I really _am_ too smart to die—what will the science field do without my contributions, Kanda? Think about it before you kill me!"

"Aurgh," Kanda replied, his anger making it hard for real, Merriam-Webster approved words to get through. "Ruugh—_argh_."

"That translates into 'this is hot, touch me more,'" Lavi helpfully supplied.

Allen threw him a look that could probably _kill_. "I hate you, twit," he said, still inappropriately touching the older man.

"Nipples!" Kanda yelped, and he just about threw the kid over the moon with how hard he pushed. "Fuck, eww, my sanctity!" He rubbed his stomach, scowling. "Now, I've got goddamn Hepasypherpes HIV!"

Allen looked at his hands with bleak eyes. "I have _killed _with these hands," he whispered sadly. "I have assassinated a social hermit's personal space. The blood _stains_ my fingers!"

Lavi rolled his eye. "God, gay nerds are so fucking _overdramatic_," he said, and pulled a card out of the deck for his turn.

* * *

LOL I'm sick in the head—I must be.

Thank you very much for the SAT support—but, I chickened out. D: I personally felt as though I would only do worst this time around (it was a retake), and I really didn't want that. So! I'm dedicating more time to prepping for the SAT I will take whenever school lets me. Expect more big, unnecessary words from me in the future!

So, there have been several questions so far that I feel inclined to answer. Here're your answers!

Q: Do you _really_ not like Kanda/Allen, Kaza?  
A: It's not that I don't _like_ it—I've just fallen out of love with it, is all. :D I'm still writing for it, am I not? And, personally, I believe I can _only_ write Kanda/Allen in a slightly okay way.  
Q: Are you _really_ a Star Trek fan?  
A: It took me a while to get into TOS, and I kept holding off on the movie, like I said. I like it, but it's no passion for me.  
Q: Will Lenalee show up?  
A: That's like asking if I'm straight: _duh_.

Final Fantasy XII is the _devil_. I swear to GOD Satan must've programmed that game, because I love to hate that game and it's STUPID AS HELL but BEAUTIFUL battle system. You don't want to see my hours on it, _trust me_.


	4. Misunderstood

**Geeks in Love**

Whassup, my nig—uh, favorite people. The people who can actually read the weird shit I write.

:D ILUALL!

* * *

Kanda realized, while grocery shopping, that he might've had an unnatural and _weird _attraction to the white-haired freak with the scar and the arm.

He scowled, pushing his cart through the aisles while glancing at the list given to him by his elusive room mate, Madarao. The epiphany was kind of sudden, actually—it occurred to him while he was picking out cauliflowers and measuring bananas.

_Holy shit_, he thought while eyeing a particularly promising bunch of bananas. _That kid is fucking hot but a freak of nature. Like a volcano._ He liked volcanoes when he was, like, eight with a bad haircut. Maybe it was his old fondness for the natural disasters that decided now to culminate inside of his mind in the image of one…whatever his name is. Alfalfa?

"I hope you're not comparing your penis," an employee commented with a disturbed expression as the Japanese man ran his finger along the length of the yellow fruit. "Because, we have a very, _very_ distinct 'No Shoes, No Shirt, No Penis' policy. _Keep your pants on_."

"Hey." Kanda sniffed, bagging the bananas. "I wouldn't take off my pants in front of you anyway."

The employee, who wore a nametag that Kanda couldn't read without staring at her sizeable breasts outright, snorted. "Because you probably couldn't compare," she muttered with a grin, stacking cereal boxes on the shelves. "Just kidding—but, seriously, keep your pants on. I'd be scarred for life if you pulled them down at all."

The Japanese college student looked down at his pants, which were normal and actually kind of bland for a pair of jeans. "I'm pretty sure my pants'll be staying on today," he replied slowly, raising a painstakingly slow eyebrow. "And forever, probably."

"What if I were to offer to have sex with you, huh?" the girl continued with a smirk. "Then what would you do?"

"…" Kanda was so sure this was a trick-question. "How about not have sex with you?"

"Do you take showers naked?"

"Lady, chick, _woman_," Kanda snapped, raking his fingers through his silky hair. Holy shit, his hair felt great today—he touched it some more just for verification. "Just, just what are you getting at? Because I am not interested."

Yeah. Virgin For Life—that would probably be his stripper name, if he were to ever become something like a stripper.

"Well, what I'm getting at is that you would have to take your pants off at some point," the employee replied with a smile. "I mean, it's totally illogical to just say that your pants'll stay on forever."

"Okay." Kanda just _really_ wanted this conversation about his pants to end. "_Okay_." He clicked his tongue, hand still wrapped around a bunch of bananas. "Well, uh, I'm gonna go. Uh. _Do things._ Like, pants-related things."

He turned around at that, suddenly in a hurry to bag the fucking bananas, find a box of cereal with a prize for him and sugar for his roommate, pay for the shit, and _leave_. He had a Smash Brothers Brawl gathering to attend later this afternoon—another game where everyone was his bitch. He played a fucking _awesome_ Pit on Wednesdays, Fridays, and second Mondays.

"Hey, you," the employee called, tapping his shoulder. "Hey. Look this way, Mister Penis-Comparison."

"I am _not_ comparing my dick to a banana." Kanda hissed, twisting around just to throw a glare at the girl. He usually respected women, but she was making him feel really, _really_ nervous—like, final boss in a Legend of Zelda game nervous. He coughed lowly in his throat. "The banana couldn't even compete."

She stared at the banana, and then at his crotch. "…_Okay_," she replied very slowly. "I believe you." The girl bit her bottom lip, obviously trying to hold back the laughter that trickled at her throat. "Um. So, what's your name?"

Jesus Christ. "I will not have sex with you." Kanda said immediately. He narrowed his eyes, sneering. "Why do you want to know? Did I knock your name off the high score board and now you're looking for revenge? Are you trying to steal my wallet? Is this a _government conspiracy_?"

"Dude, what?"

As loathe as he was to say it—that was actually an acceptable answer. "Kanda," he replied, hooking a thumb in a jean pocket. "That's uh, my name. But, seriously, why do you care?"

The employee grinned. "Because I know this guy that knows this girl that knows this _other_ guy who knows me who knows this guy who will probably go out with you." She held out her hand. "I'm Lenalee Lee, matchmaker extraordinaire."

"I don't want any!" Kanda retorted, walking away. He didn't want to get caught up in some gay shit when he was still musing over his…feelings for volcanoes and exceedingly weird nerds.

Lenalee—what was she, _Chinese_ or something?—followed him, her shoes tapping against the linoleum like a hit rap song.

Not that Kanda listened to rap or anything like that.

"Oh _come on_, dude," she whined. "You're perfect for him! You're tall, good-looking, dark-haired, and not nearly as smart as him! He _loves_ to flaunt his intelligence over other people!" The young woman sighed, hands on her hips. "You. You _complete_ each other."

Kanda stared at her.

"Do you know the price of these bananas?" he asked, holding up his bag. "I forgot to check it per pound and shit."

"You are _very_ hard to like." Lenalee replied, rolling her eyes. "It's clear that you need to release some tension. _Sexual_ tension."

"My penis will be just fine." Kanda insisted, panic creeping up his spine and causing the hairs on the back of his neck to stand up. This girl, woman, grocery-store worker—she was dangerous. At the rate she was going, Kanda was going to agree to some shit and his PS2 time was going to be _seriously_ cut into. "Please. Leave me alone."

Lenalee smirked, tapping her chin. "If I leave you alone, will you—"

"No." The Japanese man scowled. "I'm not going to go out with. Uh. _Whoever_."

"But, you probably have a billion things in common," Lenalee continued insistently, rolling her eyes. "Like, he likes Dungeons and, uh, Dice. Whatever it's called."

Oh god, she's trying to set him up with a loser nerd that plays board games and is probably socially retarded. "It's called Dungeons and _Dragons_, lady," he corrected curtly, sniffing in offense. "I mean, holy shit, it's not _that_ hard to remember."

"Of course not," Lenalee coughed into her fist, snickering. "I'm sorry." She rubbed her arm bashfully, smiling. "Why won't you give me a chance with him? I mean, he's, uh, cute. In a weird, _oddball_ kind of way."

Did she say _weird_?

"Hmm." Kanda hated to even think it, but he was starting to consider this psychotic woman's offer. This, this was probably due to the fact that he was temporarily insane. And had a metaphorical attraction to fucking _freaks_.

Oh god_damn_.

"How weird are we talking?" Kanda asked cautiously, an eyebrow raised.

Lenalee pursed her lips in thought, arms crossed underneath her bosom. "He's, uh," she started slowly. "He's got prematurely gray hair?"

That's, uh, that's… "How old is this loser?" he tried slowly, wringing his bag of bananas within his palm.

"Sixteen."

That's freaky. "Okay." Kanda rubbed his chin, eyebrows furrowed. "Any other weird shit about him?"

"Oh!" Lenalee grinned, winking at him. "He's got a totally _bitchin'_ facial tattoo, and a whack arm. Man, he's even _British_."

Well goddamn—ever since he met that brat, he decided that all the British were freaks.

This guy was starting to sound like something related to volcanoes.

"Do I have to have sex with him?" Kanda demanded, top lip curled in a sneer.

Lenalee waved a hand in dismissal. "Nah," she negated. "I mean, not if you don't want to. Just," she looked at the bananas. "Keep those in your pants until he wants it too."

This chick had some _crazy_ ideas. "I don't hide bananas in my jeans, lady." Kanda replied, rolling his dark eyes. "That'd be gay."

"…" She looked like she wanted to explode in joy. It must've been _that_ time of the month. "I understand completely." The employee ran her hands over invisible wrinkles in her really short skirt. Huh, Kanda hummed, leaning over to glance at her ass. She might want to do something about the length of that article of clothing, _totally_. "So. You willing?"

"…I want a fucking discount on my bananas," replied Kanda with narrowed eyes. "…then, I _might_ consider it."

"How's two percent sound?"

Like not a lot—but, it was better than nothing.

"What time?" Kanda asked. "And, do I have to dress up?"

-----

He made a promise to himself by the end of that day.

Yuu Kanda, third generation Japanese-American, would never, _ever_ return to that grocery store by the end of his life.

-----

"Oh, man, can you do me a favor?" Madarao asked the next day. "Do you think you can go to Lee's Grocer for some milk? We ran out—I want to eat my cereal."

And Kanda just about threw his Nintendo DS at the asshole.

-----

The cooloser from Calculus was ruining his life again, Kanda mused as he shook the die in his palm. Well, it was a semi-normal occurrence, but still.

He didn't have to _like_ it.

"So, Yuu," Lavi—props to Kanda for remembering his name this time—started, crossing his legs like he was sophisticated or some shit like that. "I heard from a little bird in the blue sky—you've got a blind date."

"What the fuck does this have to do with the fact that I just cast a Level Two Ice spell at your orge?" Kanda replied very calmly. He's thinking of starting this new thing—this thing where he _doesn't_ blow a fucking top because people say some stupid shit sometimes. His Nintendo DS was currently healing on the charger after his fit of _rage_ towards his goddamn roommate.

If he wasn't careful, he might do the same to his copy of Parappa the Rapper—except, he would probably throw that out the window just because he failed another project in Writing Creatively.

(He actually hated that game.) (A _lot_.)

"Well," Lavi said with a grin, eyebrows raised. "I guess you really _are_ a normal guy who wants to get laid one day." He stared at Kanda for a moment. "Uh, um, maybe just a guy. I _think_."

The white-haired freak snorted, snatching up the dice from the middle of the board. "Surely," he said. "Although, Kanda _does_ look like he might be of the male gender when you turn your head at a certain angle and close your eyes." He gave an example, smiling at the older teenager.

Goddamn volcano. "Hey, whatever," Kanda replied. "I'm going on a fucking _date_. With a real _person_." He smirked, crossing his lean arms. Maybe this whole 'Date Thing' was worth it if he could use it to taunt the freak-of-the-week. "What about _you_, loser?"

The Volcano grinned. "Actually, I have a date as well."

Then, like an awkward moment at a party, the disc jockey called Kanda's mind screeched to a stop.

"Fuck _what_?" he demanded, gripping his character card in his hand. "You—_you_—have a date? With a real person?!"

"What, would I go out with a sex doll?" the white-haired nerd rolled his eyes. "Real people are mandatory, Kanda. I'd hate to go on a date with my invisible friend."

"Who the fuck would _touch_ you, let alone _date_ you?" Kanda continued with rage, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "I mean, you're a fucking _volcano_!"

Lavi looked at him, startled. "Are you calling Allen hot?" he asked as though this were some sort of soap opera script.

Kanda flipped him the middle finger. "Actually, I'm calling him a freak of nature," he retorted. The one-eyed asshole didn't need to know that he got _half_ of it right.

"Well, I _never_!" the loser named, uh, something with an 'A' huffed, brushing strands of hair from in front his eyes. "I'll have you know that my best friend made this possible—she said they are _perfect_ and I think you are just jealous that I might have sex earlier than. Err. _You_?" He glanced at Kanda's pectoral muscles that were exposed by his tank top, and frowned. "May you _please_ explain to me why you are still a virgin?"

The Japanese college student blinked, cocking an eyebrow. "Well, it starts with not having sex for one," he explained sarcastically. "Of course, they are _other_ ways to go about it."

"Masturbation." Lavi offered happily. "It's awesome when you're ambidextrous."

"Wow, that's a lot of information, Lavi!" the high school student exclaimed while clasping his hands together. "Now I feel like I can live my life as always. With_out_ masturbating."

The redhead looked disgusted. "You two sicken me," he announced with an overdramatic gesture with his hands. "What kind of _guys_ don't want to have sex or masturbate!"

"I didn't say I didn't jack off," Kanda answered very honestly. It _was_ the best policy. "I just have better things to do than have sex. Like, play Final Fantasy or go on dates with real people."

"As opposed to his Warrior figurine." The goddamn volcano said. The white-haired freak sniffed, crossing his legs. "I'm going on _my_ date with a real _real_ person on Friday. And, _you_, Kanda?"

"Same fuckin' day," Kanda replied, smirking. "I'll be sure to tell you about how much of a great time I had when I see you whispering sweet nothing to your D and D board."

The Volcano smiled. "Of course, Kanda."

* * *

LENALEEEEEE ILU (and, ETA for verification: She didn't say _white_ hair--she said prematurely gray. :D Kanda's not dumb about this kind of shit, just _literal_.)

Kanda's POV always proves to be fun for me to write. :D Right, right, I apologize for how late this is, by the way. Some shit happened, the pairing started to piss me off more than usual, but hey! I bounce back sometimes! And, this is just one of those times, see? :D

(I still love these nerdy mutilations of the characters, especially antismart-gamer!Kanda)

Oh, and FUCK YEAH DGM IS COMING BACK AT SOME TIME IN AUGUST! :D Finally, I have something to look _forward_ to that month! …other than going back to school for senior year, that is. D:

(Shameless plug: Poker Pair Week exists and needs participants, if you are interested. :D It's ironic because this fic is my original Yullen Week entry.)


	5. Date

**Geeks in Love**

Yeah screw this shit.

This is the third fucking rewrite from the beginning. If it messes up this time, then fuck it.

(I have a headache, so this was speed checked for errors)

FUCK I hate writing sometimes

* * *

Allen usually got all of his romantic advice from Sim Date games.

"'Tsuki wants to go all the way,'" he read aloud from the monitor of his laptop, squinting his eyes. He did not enjoy wearing his glasses, if he were completely honest. They tickled his nose and had a magnetic attraction to lockers. Okay, well, they had a magnetic attraction to the _bullies_ that stuffed him in the lockers, but the point still remains! "'What do you do?'"

He didn't really like Tsuki all that much anyway—she had hair the color of a pine tree, a rather aggravating voice, and barely enough room for a forehead as her eyes took up about eighty percent of her face.

So, his choice was, 'Tell Her That I'm Not Quite Ready For That Yet.'

Tsuki was not impressed.

"I need _real_ dating advice," Allen said with a sigh as he repeatedly tapped the Enter button for the onslaught of words from a spited fictional woman.

He needed someone who actually knew what the bloody hell they were talking about. Someone who got dates like kids got candy on Halloween. Someone who had sex like Allen had wins in Street Fighter. Someone…

Allen froze, his finger posed over the Enter button. He _knew_ someone who fit all of those criteria—well, minus the whole 'knowing what the bloody hell they were talking about' part.

He checked the time on his laptop. It was 4:13, PM. His date was at _six_.

_Shite_.

He saved his game and stood up with a grudging sigh.

It was inevitable. He was going to ask his uncle for dating advice.

-----

"Okay, let me get this straight," Cross began, flicking through the channels on the television disinterestedly as he smoked a long cigarette. "You, of every nerdy, scrawny, pussy of a dork, have a _date_?"

Allen, who sat adjacent to him in the separated loveseat, nodded. "Yes, sir." He narrowed his eyes. One day, his uncle would die a horribly unfortunate death, he would. And his nephew would only be vaguely saddened by it all.

"_You_? Brat, _you_?" the red-haired man repeated, utterly suspicious. He snorted. "Yeah _right_. Lemme tell you a story, boy." He took the cigarette from between his lips with a trail of wispy white smoke. "Once upon a time, there was a boy. He lied." Cross looked at Allen right in the eyes. "Now, he's dead. Moral of the story? Don't lie to me, or I _will_ punish you."

Allen was offended. "I'm not lying!" he insisted, gesticulating wildly. "I do have a date! It's today! At _six_!"

"I don't give a damn _when_ it is. It doesn't even _exist_." Cross stuck the cigarette back in his mouth. "Quit wasting my time, brat, and go…do your homework or something."

"I finished my homework, wanker—I mean, _sir_," Allen corrected himself sarcastically at his uncle's warning look. "It wasn't hard, first of all. And, secondly, I have things to _do_ in an hour and a half. Such as, you know, _dating_?"

Cross shook his head, turning off the television. "Brat," he said in an oddly dangerous tone of voice. The sixteen-year-old swallowed excess saliva in his mouth, but stayed strong. "You're starting to piss me off. I don't particularly like being pissed off—in fact, I like it _less_ than being lied to. And you are _pissing me off_ because you are _lying to me_." He gazed at the boy from behind his wire-framed glasses. "So, either you go away and do something, or you tell the fucking truth."

"I am telling the truth!" Allen snapped. "I am going on a date! It is _today _at _six_ with a _man_!" He paused after that, frowning. "Okay, I _probably_ should've never told you that, but—"

"Whoa, a _man_?" his uncle repeated, suddenly interested. "So, we're going _that way_ now?"

"Yes, a _man_—but this doesn't mean I'm a homosexual! Lenalee told me that he was cute and tall and that he liked the things that _I_ liked! Do you even _know_ what I like, sir?"

"Men, apparently." The red-haired man smirked at his nephew's groan of torture. He puffed at his cigarette a little longer, obviously in thought. "All right. I'll give you dating advice."

Allen's eyes were wider than an analogy, and he scooted closer on the loveseat to the couch. "Really? Seriously?" he attempted to confirm, excited.

"Shut up." Cross leaned over to smack him and was pleased by the yelp he received. "Let me talk. Brat, there are three things you need to know for when you're goin' on a date." He held up three long fingers in front of his face. "You need to _impress_," one finger lowered, leaving two. "_Entertain_," then there was the last and most important finger. "And _wear a condom_."

"I'm sorry, but you lost me at _wear a condom_." Allen replied with a smile. "What?"

"Kid," the red-haired man began with a sigh, tapping out the ash on the end of the cigarette. "I hate to tell you this, but just because you take it up the ass doesn't mean you can't get an STD."

"What—you—I—_what_—just, no—_no,"_ the British boy stammered out, mortified. "Oh, that is _disgusting_. You are a _disgusting_ person."

"I love women," Cross replied unabashedly. "I love _all_ of women. And I want them to know just how much I love them. I love tits, plump lips, vagi—"

"I'm going on a date with a _man_!" Allen reminded him very calmly. "A man likes the same things I like! I need more _stable_ advice—like, what about awkward conversations? I heard dates can get _very_ awkward! What if he doesn't like World of Warcraft? Instead, he enjoys playing things like, err, _Pokémon_! I personally cannot _stand_ Pokémon after Crystal—it's all so unnecessary and confusing, despite how I play Disgaea, which makes Pokémon look like child's play. Which it is."

Cross stared at him for about a minute, his stick of lung cancer hanging limply from between his lips. "Yeah, scratch the whole _wear a condom_ part," he concluded, and picked up the remote, turning the television back on.

"…Why?"

"It's obvious that neither of you nerds will be having sex until you're thirty-two and _then_ that'll be with a callboy."

Allen had to hold a hand to his heart in hopes that the motion somewhat healed the scars from the vicious attack that was pointed at his self-esteem. "_Ouch_," he hissed, frowning.

Cross shrugged. "Hey, I'm psychic. Now, shut up so I can watch my stories."

-----

"Go grocery shopping," Madarao, Kanda's elusive dorm mate, told him in that condescending tone of voice Kanda absolutely _despised_. "Get out of the dorm. I think there are dark bags forming under your eyes, man."

"I'll form some dark bags on _your_ eyes," Kanda replied, not tearing his eyes away from the television screen. "Go the fuck away—Dr. Cid is almost dead."

"Dude—"

"Bitch, I said leave me alone." The Japanese man sniffed, jabbing the X button as quickly as possible to ensure his Quickening continued. "Why are you still _talking_ to me?"

He never got that answer, as the light-haired man unplugged the controller to the PS2 and turned off the TV. Then, Kanda realized he was in a place called _Earth_ and felt his stomach rumble.

He was kind of hungry. How about that?

"Fuck," he grumbled, rubbing his eyes. "Is there any food? I think I just suddenly became hungry as fuck."

Madarao stared at him for the longest time. "Dude," he started slowly. "Are you, are you _drugged_—by any chance? Or are you just completely psycho?"

Kanda stared back. "I just asked if we had any food, asshole," he replied. "So. You can answer any day now."

"No. We don't have any food." The light-haired man rolled his eyes. "You were on grocery duty last, remember? But, you suddenly said that you'll never shop at Lee's Grocer again for as long as you live, and I don't even really want to know why."

Kanda pointed at his crotch. "They compare cock to bananas!" he snapped.

"See? I don't even want to know." Madarao shook his head and shuffled to his room, slamming the door behind him.

The Japanese man just huffed and stood up, stretching his long legs with the movement. "I am hungry like a fucking hippo," he grumbled, but then wanted to punch himself in the stomach. Because, there were many things that Kanda hated—but, Hentai and Hasbro were pretty high up there on the list.

Then, his phone rang.

"Fuck!" he cursed, not wanting to do anything but eat something. He searched his sweatpants for pockets and angrily reached into one, pulling out his small cellular phone. "What the hell do you want?"

"…_Hi_." And it was a woman.

Kanda restrained his anger to a simmer, and furrowed his eyebrows in suspicion. "Who is this?" he demanded.

"_Who, me? Oh, I'm just your regular everyday grocery store employee._"

This was automatically creepy. "Who _are_ you?"

"_Lenalee Lee, Kanda. Lenalee Lee._" Okay, well, the name sounded familiar. Kanda frowned, rubbing the back of his neck. "_I work at Lee's Grocer?_"

"Keep going," he urged, almost at her identity.

Lenalee sighed. "_I told you that you compare your junk to bananas_," she said blandly.

_Oh_. _That_'s who this is. "Oh, okay then." Kanda blinked, wandering towards his own room. "New question, then: why the hell are you calling me?"

"_Yeah, just checking to see if you're still on for six,_" Lenalee replied, excited. "_It's gonna be awesome, dude, I swear!_"

Six. What the hell happens at _six_? "Six, um, _six_." The college student furrowed his eyebrows. "_Six_. Yeah, what the hell is going on at six again?"

"_Um, well, you're going on a date with my weird British friend. Remember?_"

Date. Six. Date at six. "Oh _shit_ today is Friday," Kanda said suddenly, eyes wide. He checked his watch—it was 4:13 in the afternoon. He looked down at his less-than-glamorous attire of sweatpants and a wife beater. "And _shit_ I have like an hour and some minutes to get ready! _Fuck_."

"_I'm just gonna take that as a yes, then,_" Lenalee said happily. "_Awesome. Now, don't forget that you're meeting at Matél, that café downtown near the university—_"

"I know where Matél is," Kanda grumbled, hopping out one of the legs of his sweatpants. He scowled, readjusting the phone to stay stationary between his ear and his shoulder. "Why _Matél_, though? Why not an arcade or some board game store?"

"_Because that would be _lame_ and _geeky_ and _completely unromantic_, you douche,_" Lenalee replied jovially. "_Besides. I have a surprise for you in Matél, so yeah. It's a nice place._"

"Never been in it—fuck!" He tripped over his pants and crashed to the floor with the grace of a two-legged dog. "Oh _goddammit!_" He groaned, sitting up. "Look, Lenalee, whatever you are. I've gotta call you back." Yeah, he wasn't going to call her back. _Ever_.

"_Oh, no prob'! Peace and happy dating, stud!_" The line went dead and Kanda threw the phone somewhere in the direction of his bed as he stood up in his boxers and tank top. He eyed his sparse but vaguely messy room in disdain.

Did he even _have_ date clothes?

-----

Allen hoped to Jesus Christ in the dreary gray sky that he wasn't late for his first romantic outing _ever_.

The teenager hopped off the bus at the stop nearest to Matél, dressed in his finest in skinny jeans, Converse, and a Legend of Zelda shirt. One thing that Cross did tell him that was actually almost helpful in some way was for him to dress to _impress_.

"Or else you'll get another ten years added to your virginity," he explained.

Allen scowled at the thought of the man. Someday, he would get what was coming to him—and when that day came, the English boy would probably dance like a black woman in church.

He huffed, coming to a slow trot in front of Matél. Why _Matél,_ though, he wondered. Why not have this romantic affair at an arcade or a bookstore or someplace with a full D and D board? That would have been all sorts of sexy!

Sighing at his loss of this aforementioned sexy, he found it proper to check his watch. Except, it was broken again.

"Oh bollocks—oof!" he gasped, bumping into a rather hard torso.

"Watch it, asswipe," a _horribly_ familiar voice snarled, and Allen felt a cold chill slide down his back.

He looked up into slightly surprised but moreover unimpressed blue eyes. "_Kanda_?" he squeaked, paling further. What were the odds of bumping into Public Idiot Number One?

"_Mount Fuji_?" the older teenager retorted, his eyebrows furrowed in surprise. "What the fuck are you doing here? Little punk—are you messin' with me?"

"What the bloody hell are you _talking_ about?" Allen demanded. "And who in the world is _Mount Fuji_? Better yet, isn't that a volcanic mountain somewhere in Japan? I mean, I'm _Allen_!"

"What the fuck _ever_, Arthur." Kanda sniffed in disdain. "It's not like it matters. But, seriously, why the hell are you here? Are you trying to fuck with my feng shui?"

Allen squinted at him, even _with_ the glasses. "It's _Allen_, arse. I'm actually here to meet my _date_, twit," he replied as haughtily as possible. It always made him feel better when he could be a jerk without the danger of getting the living _shite_ beat out of him. "The better question is actually: why are _you_ here?"

The Japanese college student sneered, and poked his index finger rather viciously at the boy's chest. "_I'm_ here for a date, dumbass," he replied, accentuating each word with a jab.

And then, the entire reason why Allen made honor roll all his insignificant life actually came into play.

"Wait, wait, and _wait_!" Allen snapped, grabbing the older teenager's hand in the middle of a forceful poke. He frowned, an odd feeling of dread settling in his stomach. "What time is your date? Check your watch, moron!"

Kanda scowled, holding his free wrist to his face. "My date was _supposed_ to be here at about six. Yours, nerd?" Allen's obvious look answered that question pretty quickly. "…Oh, _fuck you, world_." And then he proceeded to curse every god he knew.

Apparently, he knew a hell of a lot of gods.

"I want to hurt a woman," Allen murmured, sighing. "I actually want to _slap_ Lenalee right now."

"It was so fucking obvious!" Kanda raved, smacking his forehead and dragging the hand down in a show of frustration. "Prematurely gray-haired high schooler—who the fuck else in this _country_ is twelve with prematurely gray hair? Nobody!"

"I mean, I'm sure there are _other_ people—" the British boy replied, but the college student just kept ranting and being generally an ass in public.

"That crazy woman—she had me at _weird_! Then, she said you were fuckin' _British_!" Kanda hissed, rubbing his temples. "Can you believe that shit?"

"Well. Yes, actually. I can." The English teenager cocked an eyebrow. "I _am_ British."

"That's the goddamn problem!" The nineteen-year-old huffed, coming to a terse standstill. "Damn. Christ I feel like such a tool right now."

Allen didn't even have the heart to confirm it—he kind of felt the same way.

So, the two stood outside the front of Matel, looking everywhere but at each other and still holding hands because letting go would be _more_ awkward. Such is the fate of those who play Dungeons and Dragons in their free time.

Kanda coughed into his free fist, looking at a parking meter behind Allen. "So, uh," he began eloquently. "How do these date things work, Mount Saint Helen?"

Allen totally and wholly felt his heart stop beating in his chest. "Ex_cuse_ me?" he demanded, eyes wide. "Who the bloody hell _are_ you? And don't say 'Kanda,'" he added hastily at the opening of Kanda's mouth. "Because you are clearly a pod-person!"

"A pod-person?" the nineteen-year-old repeated in a deadpan tone.

"Indeed a pod-person! I didn't know him very long at all, _but_! The Kanda _I_ know would rather assassinate Shigeru Miyamoto than go on a date with, well, _me_!"

After a short period of silence, Kanda shrugged, and he rubbed the back of his neck. "That's true," he admitted begrudgingly, but then he made an obscenely vague gesture towards the majority of his body. "But, would you fuckin' _look_ at me? At what I'm _wearing_?" He was talking about his freshly ironed black collared shirt and the brand new jeans he got for his birthday from his godfather but just today decided to actually wear. "These are my _date clothes_!" he explained with minimum anger, and tightened his hold on Allen's hand. "I even used actual _shampoo_ in my hair! I will kill Uematsu first before I don't put this shit to good use, _understand_?"

Allen understood completely—except, he'd never kill Nobou Uematsu. He'd kill the prick that invented Battletoads instead. "I really wanted to be able to say that I went on a date when I was sixteen," he confessed, embarrassed. In truth, he was _so_ planning on rubbing it in Cross's face later that night.

"Then let's go inside. We look like douches just standing out here, and I'm hungry like a pachyderm." With that, Kanda led him through Matél's glass doors, and Allen gave him a queer look.

"This is still really weird," he commented idly, and it felt like every bloody person in the café was looking at them. Or, rather, looking at their entwined fingers and the fact that they were both male. "Are we homosexuals now?"

"Shut up, of course not," Kanda sniffed, and he sat down with more grace than his personality would suggest at a table in a somewhat-but-not-really secluded spot in front of the stage. Allen sat on the other side, and then looked at their connected hands.

Why the _hell_ were they still holding hands? "Why the bloody hell are we still touching each other?" the high school student asked instead, because Kanda looked like the kind of guy to murder clowns for attempting to pat his shoulder.

"…" Kanda looked at their hands himself, frowning. "Why the fuck should I know?" he snapped, huffing. "Isn't this the kind of shit people do on dates? You know, hold hands and share milkshakes?"

"I'm not going to share a milkshake with you."

"Yeah, well, you wear glasses." It _was_ a great comeback, and Kanda really enjoyed deluding himself when he had nothing better. "Goddammit, I am _still hungry_! Waiter!" The college student began to raise his hand in an attempt to flag down one of those crazy waiters, but Allen was not willing to have him act like an ass any further.

"Put your arm down, you nut!" he hissed, looking rather affronted. "They will come when they come—they can't ignore us forever." Yeah, they can't just stare at the exceedingly odd homosexual couple forever. They'll have to get closer for more information.

Kanda grumbled a few expletives and kept his arm down, choosing to instead drum his fingers on the tabletop. "I seriously have no idea how shit _date_ is supposed to work, especially with…_you_," he stated with a grimace.

Allen sighed, crossing his legs off to the side of the chair. "Everything I know about dating comes from 'Afterschool Tutorial Kawaii Desu: 2,'" he admitted, sad. "And even _then_ I'm not sure if all the information is factual."

"…You actually _play_ that shit?" Kanda demanded, leaning forward. At his…_date_'s hesitant nod, he practically snarled out, "Did you manage to beat it? At _all_? Because I kept getting stuck on the part where Tsuki wants to _go all the way_. I don't _want_ to go all the way with her!"

Kanda played Sim Date games? _Kanda_? He looked like he played, well, _Kirby_ or _Final Fantasy_ or something that was really time-consuming and aggravating. "Well, I haven't managed to beat it myself," Allen replied, grinning. "But, I find that if you tell her you aren't quite ready, she's angry for a while, but then she understands and puts her shirt back on. But _then_ you have to talk to Hana-sensei, who then takes her shirt off. Why must they take off their shirts?"

"I hate that fucking game." But not nearly as much as he hated Parappa the Rapper.

Another silence settled in, except this one was significantly less awkward than the first one. Allen shuffled in his seat and patted his pants pockets with his free hand, smiling widely at the feel of hard plastic against his thigh.

"While I have no idea how the bloody hell in _heaven_ a date works, I do know something that might work out for us," and he held up a pack of cards, but not just _any_ cards. "Want to play Magic?"

"The _Gathering_?" Kanda verified, an eyebrow cocked. Allen nodded, gleeful. A slow smirk spread on his lips as he moved towards his own jean pockets. "I thought you'd _never_ ask."

-----

After an hour of companionable arguments, a waiter that finally came to take their orders, thirty-six croissants, and holographic cards being played as magic—the lights in the café dimmed.

"What the fuck?" were the first words out of Kanda's mouth. Allen was also confused on what the hell was going on.

A single spotlight shone on the stage, where a single microphone stood innocently. A tall man with a hood atop his head and a surgical mask walked onstage and came to a stop in front of the microphone.

He nodded. "'Sup?" he greeted. Apparently that was a powerful and emotional word, because everyone in the café who _wasn't_ Kanda or Allen started snapping their fingers, but he held up his hand for silence. "I'm Toma. How is everyone?" But, before anyone could, you know, _answer_, he brought his hand back up. "No words, just…_life_."

"Why is everyone snapping their fingers?" Kanda whispered, utterly bewildered. It took a lot for him to be _completely_ dumbfounded on what the fuck was happening.

Allen wasn't too clear on the reason himself. "I'm going to assume that's what people in the, err, _poetry_ scene are more inclined to doing than clapping," he replied, rubbing his chin. "I'm not part of this scene, so I wouldn't really know."

"Do you guys know what today is?" Toma continued. "It's Friday. And, here at Matél, we like to promote self-awareness and individual freedom of speech on Fridays." He nodded. "We do the embracing of one's personal sexualities on Thursdays, just to throw it out there."

Kanda had a feeling that was aimed towards him and his…_date_.

"So, for Open Mic Friday, we'll bring out our first and personal favorite poet as well as singer, _Mikk_." And Toma shuffled off the stage.

The Japanese college student sniffed. "That's a stupid name," he grumbled.

Allen shrugged. "We've all got our stupid names. Except for me."

A scruffy, tanned man wandered from one of the many tables in the café to the stage, a large pair of particularly nerdy glasses perched upon his nose and an acoustic guitar strapped to his shoulder. He wore a pair of overalls with a black tank top underneath, and he rubbed at the back of his leg with an equally scruffy black boot. "Hi," he greeted with a wide grin.

The snaps of fingers were his answer.

"Nice crowd today," Mikk complimented, scratching his stubble-brushed cheek. "So, yeah. I'm a singer—but, I'm also an advocate of love." Finger-snaps praised him, and he chuckled good-naturedly. "That means that today I'm going to play for a newly formed couple. A newly formed _homosexual_ couple."

Every goddamn eye in that café looked at their table, and Kanda glared back. "What the fuck're you lookin' at?" he snapped, but Allen groaned.

"Shut up and let him finish!"

"Yeah." Mikk fished the inside of an overall pocket for a small piece of paper, and he held it closely to his face. "Okay, it there a _You, Kahnda_ in the audience?"

Kanda stared at the stage in horror.

That was _totally_ not how you pronounced his name.

Allen, though, was excited. The nerdy little bastard. "Here's You Kanda!" he exclaimed exuberantly, waving his hand as though the President of America didn't have his attention yet.

"It's fucking _Yuu_, goddammit!" the college student corrected angrily.

The British teenager paused, looking at him with a worried expression. "That's inappropriate, Kanda," he scolded. "And grammatically incorrect. And I'm just not quite ready for that quite yet."

"Shut _up_, dork." But, the damage was already done. Mikk had already wandered to their table, a smile on his face. "Oh god_dammit_."

"So you're the homosexuals, huh?" he started, eyeing the two. He eyed Allen harder though, and the British boy cocked an eyebrow. "_Lovely_," Mikk enthused, looking up at the boy's face. "Just _lovely_." He swung his guitar over his shoulder so the wooden back rested against his belly, and he placed his fingers in their appropriate spots on the neck of the instrument. "I'm here to sing you guys a song, okay? Okay."

Mikk started strumming a steady, light rhythm. "It's okay to be smart," he sang in an oddly beautiful but deep voice. "Its fine you're a geek," Seriously, his voice was great—even _Kanda_ felt his anger drain away for the most part. Allen was just delighted. "And it's totally cool to follow rules and play D and D once a week! Because who can hate you in the future when you own Microsoft? No one," he hummed, smiling. "But _you_."

Kanda was willing to bet that this was the surprise Lenalee led him to believe existed. It wasn't horrible, actually.

"So what, you're nineteen," Mikk continued. "Who cares that you're gay? And is it my business why you bothered to come on this date today?" He thumbed the chords harder, obviously getting into the song. "Because who can be pissed at you when you're still a virgin in _un-i-ver-sityyyy_?" He shrugged. "No one, but _you_."

"What the _fu—_"

"Shut up, he's still singing!"

The notes got significantly quieter and Mikk whistled a bit before breaking back into song. "I'll be honest," he sang softly. "I'll be true—I think that I truly and honestly, have fallen in love with _you_!" He nodded at Allen, who looked at Kanda, who shrugged because he did not know what the hell was happening either. "So when you get tired of BoA here, dial me up on the cell phone! Here's my number," and he stopped playing the guitar just to reach into his pocket and pull out a card. "For _you_." He placed it on the table in front of Allen, and began to back away slowly.

'Call me,' he motioned with his fingers. Finger snaps followed him all the way to his table.

Allen looked down at the card in front of him. "What the hell just happened?"

Kanda snickered. "Looks like you just got proposed to by a scruffy, nerdy, singing, and guitar-playing hobo." He snatched the card from the front of his…date, and held up to his face. "Man, even his _first_ name is stupid."

"What is it?" Allen asked, still a little disturbed by the end of that song.

"_Tyki_," the Japanese man snorted, placing the card back in it's original spot. "…I think he was insulting me in that song."

"Kanda? He was _flirting_ with _me_. I'm sure it doesn't get worst than that."

Kanda eyed Allen carefully and, after careful consideration, he concluded that for nerds that _never_ got dates from girls or otherwise, yeah. It doesn't get much worst.

-----

"So, what now?" Kanda asked his…date later that night as they once again found themselves standing outside Matél. "Do I drive you home and walk you to your doorstep?"

Allen snorted in amusement. "Do you even have a car to pull that off?" he asked, resisting the urge to swing their connected hands back and forth.

"What? No." The older teenager looked oddly offended. "I'm in _college_—I can't even afford gas."

"We're in America, Kanda. _Nobody_ can bloody well afford gas." Allen shook his head, smiling. He looked at the Japanese man, curious. "Which leads me to ask: how exactly did _you_ get here?"

Kanda jabbed a thumb towards his back, cocking an eyebrow. "I walked, nerd. My dorm is, like, three fuckin' minutes away. I mean, almost everyone in that retarded café was a college student." He looked at Allen like there was something wrong with him. "Are you stupid or did you just not notice?"

The white-haired teenager rolled his eyes behind his glasses, _passionately_. "I am seventy-nine percent positive that I am smarter than you," he replied with a nonchalant shrug. With a sigh, he tapped the toe of his shoe on the concrete. "Well, _I_ ride the bus—I don't go to college, unfortunately. So, um, TTFN, Kanda." And he was so ready to go home until he was rather roughly jerked back by their _still_ connected hands.

"Are we dating?" Kanda demanded.

Allen blinked. "Um, err, uh," he stammered, feeling a blush heat up his face. "Well, uh, I'm, um, not sure. We've only gone on one date and all." He rubbed the back of his neck and looked down at the white toes of his black Converse and at the straight edge of Kanda's Vans. "Unless…uh, you'd like to go on another date?"

The Japanese man looked at him, his face in an oddly contemplative expression. "Uh, sure," he replied gruffly, and reached into his pocket to pull out his cell phone. "Do your thing, Alex."

"Allen." Allen grinned as he took the phone and admired the simplicity of it. It was like a mirror of Kanda. "Right, the exchanging of numbers! I _remember_ this from a generic anime!" He was all too happy to put his number in someone else's phone that _wasn't_ Lavi or Lenalee, and called himself to ensure he had his…_date_'s number as well. "Here you go!"

"Great." Kanda looked away, blatantly embarrassed. "Um. _Yeah_."

"'S alright," Allen replied, and finally swung their arms as they just _stood_ there. "Um. I had fun for my first date ever, if that helps at all?"

"Yeah." The college student coughed lowly in his throat. "Just, next time, try not to attract anymore homosexual hobos with guitars. It's, uh, fuckin' _weird, _now that I'm thinking about it."

"Hey, it's clear that I have a higher chance of bonking than _you_," the sixteen-year-old replied with a smirk. "As you will likely be a virgin until you're thirty-two and then you'll lose it by callboy."

Kanda could only frown as his feelings were slightly stabbed. "Fuck, _ouch_," he said, cocking an eyebrow. "That was totally nice and not rude at all. Freak."

_Note to self: Cross and his insults are super-effective,_ Allen thought with a grin as he dodged the kick aimed at his legs. _Learn more_.

**

* * *

Please Stand By for Elongated Bitching:**  
Hey guize, it's the Kaza. It's probably been a while since you've seen me or my works, and well, sorry about that.

I'm sick. Well, I am slowly becoming _un_sick. I have an ear infection and chronic headaches. My laptop with the latest chapters of AWYWI, Chesapeake Campaign, and ANY OTHER FUCKING FANFIC I CARE ABOUT has a virus that can be explained on my profile.

But then. It gets worst.

The newest chapter of Geeks in Love was only half done when my computer got the virus, I will admit. And, my flashdrive had the version that was only like 100 words into it, so I decided, hey, I'll just rewrite that and actually _finish_ it! So, I DID finish it! Yay, right?

Then the file got corrupted on my flashdrive.

It could not be recovered no matter _what_ I did.

Thereby, I had to rewrite this ENTIRE chapter. I was very angry the ENTIRE time. You might be able to tell. So, yes, thank you for reading! :D I'm not as much of a loser as you thought I was, huh?

In other news: I LOVE GAY NERDS! Lol. I ALSO LOVE POKER PAIR and so no matter what I write, if it is DGM, there will _always_ be some sort of Poker Pair insert. _Always_.

I made up the song from the top of my head to a mixture of Margaritaville by Jimmy Buffet and Good Ol' Fashioned Nightmare by Matt and Kim. I do not give a damn if the rhyme scheme is off or whatever. Seriously, if that bothers you…then it just bothers you lol

Well. Next chapter is the last chapter, guize. :( I rather enjoyed writing this fic. For some inane reason, I am sad to see that it is coming to an end. Yes. An end. I hope you guys liked reading it as much as I liked writing it, because I had to rewrite this shit TWICE from the BEGINNING and if that isn't love then I don't know what is.


	6. Doll

**Geeks in Love**

BAAWWWW Last chapter guize. :(

Please tell me that I am not the only one who cares that this is over

* * *

Let it be known that Lavi was taking _all_ the credit for the newly formed homosexual couple.

"Yeah, I introduced them," he bragged quite heartily to Johnny, who was too busy watching Kanda and Allen interact in absolute horror to actually _listen_ to him. "It was like, _man_, I have these two friends who could totally, like, _fall in love_ and shit! I should, like, make them _meet up_."

"Are they sharing a milkshake?"

"Duh, Johnny." Lavi rolled his eye, sniffing as though the bespectacled man were lesser than him. "They're _dating_. Now, shut up, and listen to me so you can admire my awesome and their gay more."

Johnny furrowed his eyebrows, frowning. "I'm sorry Lavi," he replied, scratching the back of his thick hair. "I was listening…kind of. Okay, not really, but still!" He looked at the…_couple_ again, mortified. "This is _so wrong_."

Lavi turned his head and looked at the two, an eyebrow cocked in question. What was so wrong about two male teenagers sitting at least a foot from each other with a milkshake that held two straws on a table in front of them? Like, they weren't even _talking_—they were playing with their Nintendo DS', and rather passionately at that.

It must've been Elite Beat Agents—two-player mode.

He turned back to Johnny, suspicious. "Are you bashing on their gay, Johnny-boy?" he asked carefully.

The sandy-haired man shook his head furiously, denying the very _existence_ of his statement. "I have nothing against homosexuals, since I work in a main street bookstore and all," he said, pushing his large glasses further up on his nose. "But. Isn't there just something…_wrong_ with this picture? Like—I hate to say it like this, but they don't seem like the type of people to…_fall in love_. They barely look like they _like_ each other!"

Lavi scoffed. That was preposterous! "Oh _bullshit_, Johnny!" he replied, chuckling good-naturedly. "Of _course_ they are in lo—"

"Fuck you with an escalator upside-down in a strip mall on a Friday!" Kanda snarled, pointing his stylus at the white-haired teenager and almost poking his eye out.

Allen smacked the hand away from him face, sniffing in disdain. "Let's not bring your illicit fantasies into this, twit," he replied with a terse edge in his voice. "You found it proper to insult my mother—whom of which I never _knew_, by the way—and so, I just felt it would be _horribly_ unfair if I did not insult _your_ parental origins. You _Daddy-Lover_—" He paused. "Ach. You're _choking_ me." He tugged at the hands around his neck, frowning. "Okay. Um. I can't really breathe."

"Which is exactly what I was going for," but Kanda released his hands anyway, instead picking back up his DS with a scowl. "I hate you and DS pictochat."

The British teenager rubbed his neck, huffing. "Well I very well dislike you too!" he snapped, and picked up his own handheld console. The silence returned all thick and shit, which made Lavi consider rethinking their 'love'.

Yeah _right_.

"See Johnny, that's what you call _gay nerd affection_," he explained, shuffling his Magic: The Gathering cards like a professional blackjack dealer. He winked—okay, he _tried_ to wink. It is not his fault he only has one eye. (At least, the _outcome_ wasn't his fault.) "Homonerds don't mate like normal humans do, see—they are constantly in some sort of competition and strive to prove who has the bigger penis—obviously _me_—while excreting pheromones that make them want to throw off their glasses, demagnetize their braces, and take off their pocket protectors so they can titter around and _consider_ making out."

Johnny stared at him.

Okay, the entire room stared at him. Lavi frowned; was there something on his face? Other than sexy, that is.

"I'm going to disembowel you," Allen announced, his eyebrow twitching dangerously. "And then you're going to die."

Kanda snorted. "That would be _kind_, dweeb," he replied, stretching his legs lazily. "I say we tie him to a motorboat in the Atlantic Ocean. Let the sharks get to him."

But before Allen could reply in kind, Lavi held up a hand. "Hey guys, shut the hell up," he said with a grin. "I love it when people talk about offing me, but now just doesn't seem to be the time, don't'cha think?"

The British teenager checked his watch that was totally broken from this angle. "It feels like its all kinds of the time to me, _Lavi_," he retorted with a smile. Sometimes, though, the kid's smiles could be record takers in _creepy_.

"Naw, my homosexual nerd of a buddy," Lavi tutted, sighing. He placed a card down on the table, announcing the environment in which they would be playing Magic. "Y'see, it can't do to worry about me when you and your boyfriend haven't even kissed yet."

Kanda looked like his sanctity was in all sorts of danger. "That's _disgusting_," he snapped, grimacing. "Why would you call him my…_boyfriend_? Oh god you just ruined my fucking life with words alone."

"And, _kissing_? Kanda? Kissing Kanda?" Allen looked horribly unimpressed, but Lavi had to snicker. That sounded like a horrible chick flick, and he would totally watch it if given the opportunity. "I'd rather be alive, thank you."

The red-haired man rolled his eye, sniffing. "Don't be perpetrating, dweeb duo," he replied haughtily, smirking. "You two _totally_ want to make out. I can tell, see." He eyed the couple-of-sorts, mapping out their tense stances. "You two can't even stand sitting next to each other—"

"Thank you for finally realizing this," Allen said with a sigh of relief, sipping at one straw in the milkshake.

"—without wanting to run your fingers over the other's oddly well-proportioned body." He'd never seen a nerd (or anyone, really) in better physical shape than Kanda, and Allen wasn't as skinny as he was lean with a healthy distribution of mass throughout his long body. "So. Yeah. You can't hide your true desires from me, kids."

He paused, waiting for the explosion that was inevitably associated with his outlandish assumption. Closing his eye, he cowered in his seat for about thirty seconds until he realized that _nothing was happening_.

Lavi opened his eye cautiously, frowning. "What's up with you guys?"

Kanda and Allen sat on that loveseat, looking everywhere but at each other. Their Nintendos were closed and tossed to the middle, and Allen's leg was especially twitchy as he tapped his foot against the ground with a lack of rhythm.

Lavi blinked. What the hell?

But, thank God for small miracles, because Kanda broke the awkwardness with his usual acerbic personality. "Who would want to make out with _this_ geek?" he demanded, scowling at the 'geek' he was pursuing a relationship with. "Christ, it's hard enough to want to hold hands with the freak!"

"A valid point!" Allen jumped on the chance for an argument with Kanda—it was probably the only way they could really communicate. "Touching the _moron_-infested skin of this twit with my lips? Completely unthinkable! Preposterous, even!"

"Your _mom_ is preposterous, nerd!" the Japanese man snapped, turning his head around to glare at the younger teenager. "It makes no sense to insult my fucking intelligence when I'm the one whose in _college_, brat. _Mann University_—ever heard of it?"

"Certainly—they filed a complaint against your loitering, remember?" Allen smiled cruelly, brushing wayward strands of hair away from his eyes. "And, besides, who the bloody hell gives a care whether or not you go to college when you're failing _Creative Writing_!"

"That is a hard class, you little douche!"

"Yeah _right_—I've taken Calculus courses that are more difficult than _Creative Writing_."

Lavi watched the argument volley with a wide eye, not even taking the effort to blink. What the hell?

"You know what kid," Kanda snarled, poking his…partner in the chest with a rather rough index finger. "I don't like your goddamn attitude—you think you're better than me, you little shit!"

"I have no reason to _think_ anything." Allen retorted, snorting haughtily. "I generally go by facts, prick."

"I kind of _hate you_."

"Well that's fine, because I am considering severely disliking you as well!" the high school student crossed his arms, huffing. "In fact, it's so hard to even look at your horribly masculine face—by the way, _sarcasm_—that I don't even want to be _near_ you. Your…idiocy might be contagious, really."

Kanda scowled. "Then why the fuck don't we just break up, loser?" he asked bitingly with a pronounced sneer.

"A fantastic idea!" Allen enthused, smiling widely. "I'm breaking up with you, because you are a Japanese jerk with no regard for the feelings of those younger than you!"

"Well, I'm breaking up with _you_ because you play Parappa the Rapper!"

"It's a fun game as well as retro, jerk!" Allen cried, and he fucking _shoved_ Kanda.

Lavi knew a bloodbath in the works when he saw one.

"Um. Guys. Hey, listen, don't kill each other!" he exclaimed, holding out a hand like it would actually make a difference. "Look, I was _kidding_ when I said—holy shit."

Kanda did not like it when people touched his chest, for the record. According to Lavi's totally accurate theories, he probably hated the feeling of palms so close to his nipples, especially considering that he was still dead set on staying a virgin until something happened to change his mind.

Something like…Allen fucking Walker. High school nerd extraordinaire.

So, it ends up that the Japanese man snarled a little before he lunged the short distance to Allen, slamming the poor, thin kid to the arm of the loveseat.

Then, they were suddenly making out.

"What the _fuck_ is wrong with you gay nerds?!" Lavi whined, rubbing his temples. "Nothing that you freaks do makes sense!"

Allen threaded his fingers in the older teenager's long, silky hair and wrapped his legs around Kanda's hips. "Mmph," he replied, obviously too busy to translate his mumbles.

"Stop making out!"

"_Hmmmrph_."

It was like free porn. Except, they still had their clothes on and it was really just heavy make-out-age. Lavi was still offended that they dared to ignore him for the other's body like that, though.

"This is so weird," Johnny whispered. "I must be in, like, the _Twilight Zone_."

"Keep vampires out of this!" Lavi snapped, practically slamming a card on the table. Jesus Christ, _just_ because they were sucking the _life_ out of each other's face doesn't mean it's suddenly time for Meyer-references.

(Lavi did not like the Twilight Saga as much as people thought he would.)

"I take back the break up," Allen breathed, and they were back to kissing like they'd never kissed before.

Okay, they _probably_ hadn't, but still. Way to be _obvious_ about it, guys.

-----

"Did you have a nice time?" Lavi deadpanned. "And by nice time, I mean you are done for the rest of the fucking _month_?"

Allen fixed his shirt and Kanda combed back his hair with his long fingers. "Huh?" the English teenager replied, blinking stupidly. He shook his head, snapping out of whatever crazy trance he was in. "Oh, right, yes. We're done."

"For now." Kanda growled, and he stretched his arms with an irritated grunt. "…My tongue hurts."

"Wow, and the award for _Too Much Fucking Information_ goes to…" Lavi paused for effect. "_Yuu Kanda_!"

"Great thing you didn't mention your erection, eh Kanda?" Allen commented completely unnecessarily, and elbowed his…homosexual life partner(?) in the stomach playfully. The nineteen-year-old snorted and rolled his eyes, and Lavi wanted to kill them.

"You know," the redhead began, sitting back in his seat with an overly exaggerated sigh. "When I first told Allen about you, Yuu—I said he'd go _Ga-ga_."

Allen almost scowled. "You did lie to me, you sly bastard," he agreed cautiously.

Lavi cocked an eyebrow. "Did I lie? That day, as we played Pac-Man in the arcade surrounded by the noises of teenage society—did I truly lie to you?" he demanded, narrowing his eye. "Because I didn't. You English dork—you fell in love with an antisocial douchebag!"

"Because that wasn't insulting at all," Kanda stated with a frown. "I hate you."

"I am considering hating you." Lavi replied calmly. "Because I like to make fun of people. I especially love to tease you two—until you _prove me right_ you assholes!" He smacked his forehead in exasperation. "What's next, you're going to lose your _virginities_? Losers!"

Kanda furrowed his eyebrows. "Uh. _No_." He looked disgusted. "Did I _not_ say that I didn't have any time to lose my fucking virginity? Shit, Final Fantasy Twelve isn't going to play itself, One-Eyed Wally."

Lavi looked unimpressed. "With that battle system—it kind of _can_."

"Hey, shut the fuck up."

Allen sighed, picking up his DS. "I'll worry about losing my innocence when I get to college," he said with so much confidence that Lavi could _tell_ he wasn't going to keep that promise to himself.

"Uh huh." The redhead sniffed, insulted. "Yeah _right_. Two young gay guys who both like Date Sim games. Wear a condom."

The…couple had the gall to look vaguely offended.

Shit. Lavi sighed again. He kind of hated gay nerds, now.

**END**

* * *

Oh shit it's over

Aw well. It was tons of fun—like, seriously. I'm going to miss UltimateGamerz!Kanda and Allen, as well as Instigating!Lavi and OhLulzGuize!Lenalee.

I love Parappa the Rapper so fucking much. DO YOU KNOW WHY WE STOPPED THE CAR??? And, yeah, I still hate Final Fantasy XII, even though I've been playing Star Ocean Til the End of Time for the past ever.

This chapter came out with little to no problems. :) Finally, something is going right in my life! And if this shit messes up—I'VE GOT A COPY ON MY EMAIL NEENER NEENER MICROSOFT WORD

I'm tired. BUT BEFORE I GO TO BED!

**

* * *

Epilogue!**

* * *

Madarao kind of knew his dorm mate.

Kind of, because half the time Kanda was more predictable than time itself, and the other half you had to wonder what the fuck was going on with this guy?

Kanda liked video games a lot—he knew that. It was obvious, since the living room was littered with games and controllers and shattered remnants of Silent Hill 3. He also liked those nerdy board games and shit that the geeks at his high school played all the time in janitor's closets. He was Japanese, nineteen, and was passing every class with a B or A except for Creative Writing. Kanda liked straight-legged jeans, tight shirts, Vans, noodles, and sleeping in on Thursdays.

But, the entire point of this was for one important fact that Madarao will never truly forget: Kanda was a _virgin_.

How many times has he seen the man bring a girl (or guy, because let's get realistic here) to their dorm? _Never_. How many hickeys litter his pale neck? Like, _two_, and that was recent.

Kanda didn't talk about sex. He didn't mention sex. He probably didn't even _think_ about sex.

So, _what the fuck was going on in his room_?

Madarao stood in front of his dorm mate's door, horrified. There was no television in there—no radio or stereo system or any other shitty excuse for this phenomenon.

Yuu Kanda was having some sort of sexual intercourse.

"_Nngn,_" a moan sounded from the other side of the door, coupled with the rhythmic thumps of a headboard against the wall. Someone was totally going to file a complaint in a few hours, if they weren't too busy jacking off to this. "_Aahh…!_"

It must've been the best sex ever, Madarao concluded. Like, they'd been going at it for, like, an _hour_ now. He was still frozen in shock, though.

"Oh, _Kanda_!" whoever the hell was getting screwed exclaimed. "Y-you are rather good—_oh!_"

"Shut the f-fuck up," Kanda's deep baritone hissed. "My fuckin' dorm mate might hear us, dweeb!"

Too _fucking_ late. Now Madarao's gonna have nightmares, and he's going to describe those nightmares in detail on Facebook.

_Oh my fucking god_, the light-haired man thought with a straight face. _Just. Oh my fucking god._

He needed to call Tokusa.

No. Madarao was thinking too small.

He needed to call the _President of America_. This was some heavy shit.

"_Nnngn!_"

Okay. Madarao turned around, breathing slowly. First, call Tokusa. Next, call the president. And, lastly.

_Confront Kanda._ It had to happen.

He'll just sit on the couch until they were done. Kanda had to leave the room if he wanted to get to the bathroom they shared.

Madarao just hoped that they had low stamina like the nerds they probably were.

**END fo real dawg**

* * *

HA HA Yeah, now you know their relationship gets somewhere in the future.

Yes. It was real sex, by the way. None of that situational irony shit.

All right, all right. It's done now. Hopefully I'll see you guys in the future! You know I love you all and your support—like, I'm so happy that you guys are on my side even when I'm being bitchy and acerbic, and I thank all of you for that.

PEACE OUT


End file.
